good hold on me

i wish things didn't work this way. it would be nice if the past could stay in the past, but it never seems to work that way with somethings. and they continue to pop back up, and remind you. and it sucks. just when you think it's finally done, it comes back. and round 923403980 starts. i currently have ten million things racing through my head at the same time. i can't even put into words anything I want to say. so, that being the case, the next paragraph is going to be an absolute mangled wreck. don't waste your time on it.
i wish things would just be fixed. when did this become so complicated? how did something good go to something horribly confusing? and when? it's mostly my fault though because i always care too much. and you don't care at all. you need to quit with the bullshit. i need more money. i'm working my ass off working two jobs and im still always broke. i wish it was october and i was going to iowa to see ashley because i miss her too much. when did i become so unorganized? my rooms a mess, my cars a mess. and i'm usually too lazy to clean them. i need to get my ass back in shape. starting monday i'm going back to the gym. i wish you weren't such a shitty friend. i want to get out of here. i need to start focusing and getting my shit in order for real so i can make that happen. i need to send my application fees into the couple schools i applied to. i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore.
i'm getting my haircut now, bye.