Yay, it's the day before Halloween.
aka MISCHIEF night ! :D :D Tomorrow is the PHILLIES parade! then HALLOWEEN ACTIVITIES !!! The next couple of day's will be quite fun.
Oh & I am also probably the luckiest girl, ever. :) That is all.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i hope you die alone.
Lying and manipulating, did you get what you want?
Too bad your life is one big front.
Fucking me over, while stabbing me in the back.
You took something I'll never get back.
So, stay the fuck away from everything that I love,
because we never gave a fuck about you.
Fuck you, you fucking asshole.
Loyalty and dedication don't mean shit to you.
I've never heard/read anything that fit someone any more perfect.
You're the fakest kid, ever. Which really sucks, because you use to be real great.
OH WELLLPPP, things change, people change. I'm over it. I've got too many other important things to be focusing on then the people that don't matter anymore. Last night was a good night, young widows in the ghetto, city driving adventures, getting lost, almost hitting a guy with the car, no gas, and 80's funk. Halloweens soon. and i'm saving up all my money like i wanted to. things are going good, keeping my attitude as positive as i can. see ya !
Edit:
im now going to realllllllllly rant on this thing because everyone pisses me off and this is MY thing to write in and no one has to read it so if what i have to say bothers you, quit reading it. im really SICK of fake people REALLY SICK OF THEM. im sick of people who claim to be your friends and are all bummed out about you leaving but cant make time for you ever. or follow through with plans. or pick up a phone to give you a call. yet make time for stupid girls their just hooking up with secretivly. shit doesnt stay a secret ever. funny how youre always running to me though with the same old bullshit, so glad i never fell for any of it. im sick of little sluts. im sick of being replaced by the people who were suppose to be my best friends. im sick of having to always ask THEM to hang out. FRIENDSHIPS WORK BOTH WAYS. i've never been so sick and tired of anyone as i am of you four people right now. should've known though. half the time people really dont give a shit about anyone but themselves. all you care about is getting your fucking names out there, making sure people know who you are. and you, you are the BIGGEST pathalogical liar ever. and i regret every trusting you with anything. im done. not picking up a phone to call any of you low lifes ever again. fuck you guys.
/end rant.
Too bad your life is one big front.
Fucking me over, while stabbing me in the back.
You took something I'll never get back.
So, stay the fuck away from everything that I love,
because we never gave a fuck about you.
Fuck you, you fucking asshole.
Loyalty and dedication don't mean shit to you.
I've never heard/read anything that fit someone any more perfect.
You're the fakest kid, ever. Which really sucks, because you use to be real great.
OH WELLLPPP, things change, people change. I'm over it. I've got too many other important things to be focusing on then the people that don't matter anymore. Last night was a good night, young widows in the ghetto, city driving adventures, getting lost, almost hitting a guy with the car, no gas, and 80's funk. Halloweens soon. and i'm saving up all my money like i wanted to. things are going good, keeping my attitude as positive as i can. see ya !
Edit:
im now going to realllllllllly rant on this thing because everyone pisses me off and this is MY thing to write in and no one has to read it so if what i have to say bothers you, quit reading it. im really SICK of fake people REALLY SICK OF THEM. im sick of people who claim to be your friends and are all bummed out about you leaving but cant make time for you ever. or follow through with plans. or pick up a phone to give you a call. yet make time for stupid girls their just hooking up with secretivly. shit doesnt stay a secret ever. funny how youre always running to me though with the same old bullshit, so glad i never fell for any of it. im sick of little sluts. im sick of being replaced by the people who were suppose to be my best friends. im sick of having to always ask THEM to hang out. FRIENDSHIPS WORK BOTH WAYS. i've never been so sick and tired of anyone as i am of you four people right now. should've known though. half the time people really dont give a shit about anyone but themselves. all you care about is getting your fucking names out there, making sure people know who you are. and you, you are the BIGGEST pathalogical liar ever. and i regret every trusting you with anything. im done. not picking up a phone to call any of you low lifes ever again. fuck you guys.
/end rant.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
october 26th
It's been one week since I've been home. And in this past week, I've felt more emotions than I ever have in my whole entire life. I wish there was a way I could turn my mind off. I think too much about things. I take way too much stuff personally and only end up wondering what I did wrong. This morning I woke up to the nicest message I have ever received in my entire life. I know I've got something good going for me, but there is about a 90% chance I will fuck it up. Because that's what I usually end up doing. I really hope I don't, but knowing me, it's inevitable.
I'm also really sick of fake ass people. I thought getting out of high school was going to put an end to petty stuff like this. But I was clearly wrong. This last week I've realized whose real, and whose fake. And way too many people I thought were real, ended up being the complete opposite. Just have to start distancing myself from those people though. Really sucks, but I guess that's how things work out.
The weekend was good though. Best mood I've been in since I got back. My party Friday night was an excellent second celebration of my birthday. And the Trash Talk show last night was a pretty good time that mostly involved drawing on my car windows, barfo/woody woodpecker, screaming at the thunderstorm, missing war hungry, dumpster diver and now party hits with 3 girls I know I'm gonna end up really missing when I leave.
Another thing, I need to learn to really start trusting people. Atleast the people I know have no intention of hurting me -or I guess that would be the person who has no intention of hurting me; Otherwise I'm going to end up driving myself crazy with all of the wondering..
I'm gonna go spend all day sleeping.
I'm also really sick of fake ass people. I thought getting out of high school was going to put an end to petty stuff like this. But I was clearly wrong. This last week I've realized whose real, and whose fake. And way too many people I thought were real, ended up being the complete opposite. Just have to start distancing myself from those people though. Really sucks, but I guess that's how things work out.
The weekend was good though. Best mood I've been in since I got back. My party Friday night was an excellent second celebration of my birthday. And the Trash Talk show last night was a pretty good time that mostly involved drawing on my car windows, barfo/woody woodpecker, screaming at the thunderstorm, missing war hungry, dumpster diver and now party hits with 3 girls I know I'm gonna end up really missing when I leave.
Another thing, I need to learn to really start trusting people. Atleast the people I know have no intention of hurting me -or I guess that would be the person who has no intention of hurting me; Otherwise I'm going to end up driving myself crazy with all of the wondering..
I'm gonna go spend all day sleeping.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
To You.
Ashley sent me this because she found it online that someone wrote about someone they really must have cared for a lot.
And at first I read it and thought it was really dumb because I was in a really dumb mood after a really dumb fight with someone.
Then i re-read it, and cried my eyes out because it's scary how close this relates to something in my life.
Anyway, its super long so no one has to read it. but it's here.
Maybe it will relate to something in your life. If so, I'm sorry.
Because it's a really awful way to feel. I know.
I changed things around a bit to fit my situation more clearly.
Maybe you'll finally get it..
I know, now, that things are going just the way that they should. I do not spend too many times crying. Mostly, it is when I am moved by the lyrics in the songs that could be about you and I. Sometimes, when I hear the lyrics "There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all" I pray with every fiber of my being, that you won't hear those lyrics and ever have to think of me. I don't want you to remember me with contempt. I'd much rather you remember me as the fire at the start of the day. Or, perhaps, as the wildfire in your veins. I don't ever want it to be something that you can relate back to me. I want to be remembered fondly, quietly, calmly. I'd trade in you remembering my laughter for remembering my secret messages, encoded, now in your DNA. I hope you don't feel the sting of my walking away.
I know that you don't want any part of me believing that you could even be slightly hurting...
I am looking for someone who will fight with me for love, not against me. I need someone who isn't afraid to face my iceberg-ways despite the threat of sinking. I need the ark to last through the rains, and I know I've said this all a thousand times, but it is the truth and more than just a proclamation or declaration, it is my goal.
I hope that you find someone who isn't a millstone. You seem happier, you seem stronger and even more brave than I am. It's been hot and sticky the last couple of days. Just like the way it was the summer we fell in love. We found hundreds of soft spots in our hearts through out our time of being together. Maybe my mistake was finding those soft spots in the first place. But you were the one to penetrate my soul first and I let you, through and through. This is just a bunch of words though right? They don't make sense and my heart is still locked up tightly in your hand, the one heart I gave to you even before we said hello for the first time.
I'm trying to hold everything together. I'm trying not to break everyday and remember the fact that I was the one who broke you in the first place. So why is my heart not letting me let go of something that wasn't meant to be? Why am I wishing so hard on shooting stars that don't exist and keeping four leaf clovers I never had? Why am I being so completely weak when I told myself that I had only a few more weeks left before I erased you completely? I don't think I'm quite ready to make the commitment of forgetting you completely. I still believe that soul mates exist and other planets will harbor lovers from different worlds. And I still believe that your hand was meant to perfectly fit mine.
I will, without a doubt, forget you. There will most definitely come a time when I cannot remember your name or face, nor the way your hair was always obscenely beautiful no matter how messy it was and the way your voice would get lower when you told me that you loved me. Someday, I will not recall the hours of conversation we had, or the times we discussed our lives like they meant something, or the way I smiled every time I saw your screen name online. Eventually, I won't hear your pain, happiness, anguish, disgust echoing in my head. I won't shudder every time I think of when I made up lies to hurt you. As selfish as it sounds, I wanted to see if you would still be with me at my worst. I won't cry when I remember the night you ended things with me, when it was so cold in my room that the only time I can remember keeping warm was when your voice was on the other line. I won't still laugh when I think of things you said, and I won't write you emails every once in awhile so I can pretend we still talk to each other. You will fade like distant summers, and I will not miss you.
But until that happens, please know that I do miss you, terribly.
And at first I read it and thought it was really dumb because I was in a really dumb mood after a really dumb fight with someone.
Then i re-read it, and cried my eyes out because it's scary how close this relates to something in my life.
Anyway, its super long so no one has to read it. but it's here.
Maybe it will relate to something in your life. If so, I'm sorry.
Because it's a really awful way to feel. I know.
I changed things around a bit to fit my situation more clearly.
Maybe you'll finally get it..
I know, now, that things are going just the way that they should. I do not spend too many times crying. Mostly, it is when I am moved by the lyrics in the songs that could be about you and I. Sometimes, when I hear the lyrics "There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all" I pray with every fiber of my being, that you won't hear those lyrics and ever have to think of me. I don't want you to remember me with contempt. I'd much rather you remember me as the fire at the start of the day. Or, perhaps, as the wildfire in your veins. I don't ever want it to be something that you can relate back to me. I want to be remembered fondly, quietly, calmly. I'd trade in you remembering my laughter for remembering my secret messages, encoded, now in your DNA. I hope you don't feel the sting of my walking away.
I know that you don't want any part of me believing that you could even be slightly hurting...
I am looking for someone who will fight with me for love, not against me. I need someone who isn't afraid to face my iceberg-ways despite the threat of sinking. I need the ark to last through the rains, and I know I've said this all a thousand times, but it is the truth and more than just a proclamation or declaration, it is my goal.
I hope that you find someone who isn't a millstone. You seem happier, you seem stronger and even more brave than I am. It's been hot and sticky the last couple of days. Just like the way it was the summer we fell in love. We found hundreds of soft spots in our hearts through out our time of being together. Maybe my mistake was finding those soft spots in the first place. But you were the one to penetrate my soul first and I let you, through and through. This is just a bunch of words though right? They don't make sense and my heart is still locked up tightly in your hand, the one heart I gave to you even before we said hello for the first time.
I'm trying to hold everything together. I'm trying not to break everyday and remember the fact that I was the one who broke you in the first place. So why is my heart not letting me let go of something that wasn't meant to be? Why am I wishing so hard on shooting stars that don't exist and keeping four leaf clovers I never had? Why am I being so completely weak when I told myself that I had only a few more weeks left before I erased you completely? I don't think I'm quite ready to make the commitment of forgetting you completely. I still believe that soul mates exist and other planets will harbor lovers from different worlds. And I still believe that your hand was meant to perfectly fit mine.
I will, without a doubt, forget you. There will most definitely come a time when I cannot remember your name or face, nor the way your hair was always obscenely beautiful no matter how messy it was and the way your voice would get lower when you told me that you loved me. Someday, I will not recall the hours of conversation we had, or the times we discussed our lives like they meant something, or the way I smiled every time I saw your screen name online. Eventually, I won't hear your pain, happiness, anguish, disgust echoing in my head. I won't shudder every time I think of when I made up lies to hurt you. As selfish as it sounds, I wanted to see if you would still be with me at my worst. I won't cry when I remember the night you ended things with me, when it was so cold in my room that the only time I can remember keeping warm was when your voice was on the other line. I won't still laugh when I think of things you said, and I won't write you emails every once in awhile so I can pretend we still talk to each other. You will fade like distant summers, and I will not miss you.
But until that happens, please know that I do miss you, terribly.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
MOO-LAH
if anyone knows anyways i can get money QUICK, holla at me with 'em.
I'm already selling some of my shit, and getting rid of a ton of clothes.
BUT IM BROKE AND NEED MONEY ASAP.
YA DIG?
anywaaay, stoked about this weekend. birthday party friday night @ my crib, COMEEE PARTY/HANG OUT/WHATEVER. then trash talk show in edison saturday with riss, allie, danielle & kateeee. should be FUN.
seriously though, give me money.
p.s
MY BIRTHDAY'S TOMORROW
i keep forgetting !
I'm already selling some of my shit, and getting rid of a ton of clothes.
BUT IM BROKE AND NEED MONEY ASAP.
YA DIG?
anywaaay, stoked about this weekend. birthday party friday night @ my crib, COMEEE PARTY/HANG OUT/WHATEVER. then trash talk show in edison saturday with riss, allie, danielle & kateeee. should be FUN.
seriously though, give me money.
p.s
MY BIRTHDAY'S TOMORROW
i keep forgetting !
Sunday, October 19, 2008
change
total change of attitude.
i just realized sitting around feeling sorry for myself and thinking negatively about all the stuff i have to get done, isn't going to help me get anything done any quicker.
i've gotta totally change my attitude around & think positive so i can do what i want to do.
LOOKIN' UP. for real.
see ya.
i just realized sitting around feeling sorry for myself and thinking negatively about all the stuff i have to get done, isn't going to help me get anything done any quicker.
i've gotta totally change my attitude around & think positive so i can do what i want to do.
LOOKIN' UP. for real.
see ya.
back.
got so much to figure out.
i need $12000. asap.
and that's NEVER going to happen.
i honestly had the best time of my life while i was away. only missed certain things about this place. i'm gonna go cuddle up alone in my bed, and watch nick at nite all alone and be really sad like i have been all night. :(
i need $12000. asap.
and that's NEVER going to happen.
i honestly had the best time of my life while i was away. only missed certain things about this place. i'm gonna go cuddle up alone in my bed, and watch nick at nite all alone and be really sad like i have been all night. :(
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
complete 360.
i'm feeling so much better about a lot of things.
it'd be nice if things stay this good.
they probably won't, OH WELLLPPPP.
i saw this today, think about it ! :
logical.
it'd be nice if things stay this good.
they probably won't, OH WELLLPPPP.
i saw this today, think about it ! :
logical.
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