You're never going to change.

Ever. And this circle continues to repeat and repeat. I'm so use to it now though. Nothing fazes me anymore. Maybe it's because I've already spent hours and hours feeling sorry for myself, and wondering why, and crying. Maybe since I've spent so much time doing all that stuff, I can't anymore. Or maybe it's because I just don't care anymore. I cared so much and it got me absolutely no where, so now I don't care at all. Actually, it's not that I don't care, it's that I can't care. Because caring about you has only hurt me. I told you I wouldn't be here forever.





For some reason neither of us understands we've been forced to say goodbye. I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us. & I promise I will do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, I know we will see each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed and we will not only love each other for that time, but for all the times we've had before.

Buuuusy

Everything is really looking up. I'm going to all my classes and working almost every day, and I'm actually not hating my life while doing so. My classes this semester rule, atleast this far. I've met some really cool people, and I'm loving it. Work's not too bad either. I've actually begun taking steps for like my future, which is weird as shit because I never plan anything. EVER. But I'm doing it. I've changed my entire attitude around 180 degrees, and it feeeeeeels goooood. I've also met a lot of great new people up at ESU and have spent a lot of time up there recently. I dont have much else to write about, I'm happy. And now I'm hungry. I'll do this again sometimeee.

Expectations

My expectations are too high.
That's the problem.

Guess not.

I'm really good at pushing away and ruining the good things I have going for me. And not even intentionally, I just suck that bad.


But anyway, classes start tomorrow. I'm pretty excited for it. I'm actually gonna go & do good this semester, so I can get outta here when it's over. The hard part is really just going to be staying focused/motivated. I spent the weekend at ESU. It was a lot of fun, and I met a lot of really great new people.
I don't have anything else to write about because my life is boring.
Give me friends, please and thanks.

Done

With everything.
Goodbye.

Distance

Keeping my distance from everyone & everything for awhile, except a select few.

I simply want

nothing to do with you.
Ever again.



And this time, I'm 100% serious.
See ya.





edit 1/11:

---------

I don't have any shit going on to write about in this. I spend most of my time with Dan, Kevin & Dan. I don't really want "winter break" to end because I dont want to go back to classes. & Dan and Kevin leave me. :( buuuut uh yeah & ive been working my butt off to save money. Integrity & Pulling Teeth tomorrow with DOM! :) yay! Uhhh, I'm going to Iowa in like a month, holla.
I'll update sometime in my life maybe, IDK IDC.

all you need is love, is a lie.

It's sometime after 1 in the morning, I'm not sure of the exact time because my clock on my computer is so wrong. But that doesn't matter. It's sometime after 1, and I have to be up at 5:15. Sweet life. I don't think I could even sleep right now if I tried. I have about 83293820 billion things running through my head, and I should have known this would happen. Nothing ever changes. And that is what I cannot stand. Seriously, sometimes not caring about something is way harder than caring about it is.



sdjhfskdjfldskjfalj
i dont even know why i'm writing this.
it will not change a damn thing.
i need to get out of here.
and away from everything.
soon.

2009

blows already.
and i'm only 2 days deep.
fuck it.