i'm seriously bummin' right now. i keep thinking about one thing inperticular, and it's driving me nuts. i don't think it would bother me so much if i knew what went wrong. or how this thing ..that seemed really awesome, ended up the huge mess that it is now. there isn't even anyone to really blame, because no one is really at fault. even if i had to place blame, i couldnt. because i cared too much, and you didn't care at all. i think thats what drives me craziest. how you can put so much effort into something, then get absolutely nothing in return. that's the worst feeling in the world. the way i feel right now is the worst. just about a year, and more has happened in the past 12 months then ever, most of it involving you. too bad you're not as great as you came off as.
p.s one week & i'm outta here.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
!#&%*@$!&
don't ask.
you'll know if it has to do with you.
1. you need to back off. you're holding on and need to let go. you have just begun to annoy me considering you are a huge hypocrite and have no room to talk about anything you say. i wish you would just go away.
2. i cant stand who you have become. you've always had your flaws, but you've let them overcome you and i hate it. you're not the same fun person because you only care about two things. since the end of summer, you've quickly become someone i don't know or really want to know, and i want the old you back.
3. i wish you weren't such a huge piece of shit.
you'll know if it has to do with you.
1. you need to back off. you're holding on and need to let go. you have just begun to annoy me considering you are a huge hypocrite and have no room to talk about anything you say. i wish you would just go away.
2. i cant stand who you have become. you've always had your flaws, but you've let them overcome you and i hate it. you're not the same fun person because you only care about two things. since the end of summer, you've quickly become someone i don't know or really want to know, and i want the old you back.
3. i wish you weren't such a huge piece of shit.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
H00KED UP.
This is gonna be short because I have a job interview today.
Last night was the bomb. First off saw LOTS of people that I don't see that much, which always makes things fun. When we got to the croc rock we didnt have to wait in the 329820 hour long line because of being on the guest list so that was another huge plus in the night. Went inside and watched Crime In Stereo. Afterwards ISHC played whichhhh was interesting. Went outside then and marissa asks a kid to bum his lighter and the dudes like oh sure, then they're asking us who we're there to see, annnd marissa & ott straight up tell them a day to remember blows, and it turns out we're talking to fys's drummer and adtr's drummer. funniest thing ever. fys played and they were sweet. then we go outside for awhile bc adtr stinks, then head upstairs with scott and maaaaxed out with all the bands and hayleyXparamore, sipppped on some free coronas, and watched new found glory from the balcony jawn. sweet night.
The weekends almost here. I leave in 12 days.
HEEEEYYYYLLYEEESSS.
Last night was the bomb. First off saw LOTS of people that I don't see that much, which always makes things fun. When we got to the croc rock we didnt have to wait in the 329820 hour long line because of being on the guest list so that was another huge plus in the night. Went inside and watched Crime In Stereo. Afterwards ISHC played whichhhh was interesting. Went outside then and marissa asks a kid to bum his lighter and the dudes like oh sure, then they're asking us who we're there to see, annnd marissa & ott straight up tell them a day to remember blows, and it turns out we're talking to fys's drummer and adtr's drummer. funniest thing ever. fys played and they were sweet. then we go outside for awhile bc adtr stinks, then head upstairs with scott and maaaaxed out with all the bands and hayleyXparamore, sipppped on some free coronas, and watched new found glory from the balcony jawn. sweet night.
The weekends almost here. I leave in 12 days.
HEEEEYYYYLLYEEESSS.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
cold sheets
Every morning when I wake up it is freezing cold in my room, and I love it. I am obsessed with this changing of weather. Time for hoodies, jackets, long sleeves and boots. Fall is the best season ever. I'm so happy.
So far this week has been a decent one. I'm not even minding going to classes much this week/hating my life the entire time I'm there, which is good I suppose. Monday I went to class then met up with Preston and Ryan for some lunch at Taco Bell then went down to the city with them and Ott met up with us. Walked all over, ate at Cosi - Pretty sweeeet time. Yesterday I had class then took care of a couple of things. Eventually chilled with Ryan and watched weird movies till we picked Mikey up. Went to KFC with them then back to mikeys and chilllllled there. Ott came over and we just maxed out and watched scary movies. Then i came home and passssed out. ANDDD todayyy i had class and tonights NFG/FYS/ADTR at croc rock. should be a pretttty sick show.
I'm stoked for the weekend. Except I sort of dread weekends now too, because I during the weekends I have no classes to worry about or anything, and its just basically 3 days to kick it and do nooothin' but it only lasts till Sunday then when Monday rolls around I dont want to do shit that I have to do. BLOWS.
I leave for Iowa in less than 2 weeeeks.
And when I get back Marissa & I are going up to Boston at some point. yeeeahh.
I should clean my room and go to the gym.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
beat.
this weekend ruled.
friday night marissa and i went to drew's house for that show. and got to hang out with danielle, kate, and ali, which is always an extrememly funny time. except it was so coooold, but it really wasnt that cold im just not use to this weather at all ! so then marissa and i RAN to my car and blasted the heat and headed to a party up near blue bell. which was pretty fun. riss wreeeeckked 'em in pong. ;) eventually we left there and headed STRAIGHT to wawa to pee because no way were we making it to doylestown. eventually we got to jon's though with dion & a couple other people. and it was the funniest thing of my entire life. and i finally watched i now pronounce you chuck and larry. which was sweet. finally around 4 marissa and i came back to my house and passsed out.
saturday we woke up WAY too early and cleaned up my room. then i took her home & met dion for lunch and shopping. :) afterwards i headed home and my bike was at my house so i rode it around for alittle then had dinner with my maaaa and deb. finalllly got all ready then and picked riss BACK up and headed down to the city. met up with kevin and a few other dudes and chilled for awhile with them. rode our bikes all over. then finally went to karls apartment and partied with allll those kids and it ruleeed. eventually we somehow rode our bikes back to uarts and crashed at kevins.
THEN this morning, we left SO fucking early. and then they shut down all the streets right near city hall because of some dummmmb marathon going on. and we literally sat at a traffic light over a half an hour bc the cops were there and the marathon people were running down the road we had to cross. sucked so bad. but we finallly made it home and then i worked and came home and died afterwards.
all in all though, the weekend was off the hoooook. which is good because for the next 2 weeks i cant do too much because i gotta save as much of my money as i can because im leaving for iowa in 2 weeks ! i'm so stoked.
i'm tired.
friday night marissa and i went to drew's house for that show. and got to hang out with danielle, kate, and ali, which is always an extrememly funny time. except it was so coooold, but it really wasnt that cold im just not use to this weather at all ! so then marissa and i RAN to my car and blasted the heat and headed to a party up near blue bell. which was pretty fun. riss wreeeeckked 'em in pong. ;) eventually we left there and headed STRAIGHT to wawa to pee because no way were we making it to doylestown. eventually we got to jon's though with dion & a couple other people. and it was the funniest thing of my entire life. and i finally watched i now pronounce you chuck and larry. which was sweet. finally around 4 marissa and i came back to my house and passsed out.
saturday we woke up WAY too early and cleaned up my room. then i took her home & met dion for lunch and shopping. :) afterwards i headed home and my bike was at my house so i rode it around for alittle then had dinner with my maaaa and deb. finalllly got all ready then and picked riss BACK up and headed down to the city. met up with kevin and a few other dudes and chilled for awhile with them. rode our bikes all over. then finally went to karls apartment and partied with allll those kids and it ruleeed. eventually we somehow rode our bikes back to uarts and crashed at kevins.
THEN this morning, we left SO fucking early. and then they shut down all the streets right near city hall because of some dummmmb marathon going on. and we literally sat at a traffic light over a half an hour bc the cops were there and the marathon people were running down the road we had to cross. sucked so bad. but we finallly made it home and then i worked and came home and died afterwards.
all in all though, the weekend was off the hoooook. which is good because for the next 2 weeks i cant do too much because i gotta save as much of my money as i can because im leaving for iowa in 2 weeks ! i'm so stoked.
i'm tired.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
truth.
the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. the person is real, and the feelings are real but you create the context. and context is everything. the person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else. and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. but that person still wins. they win and you lose. because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
-i read that and i think it is one of the most true things, ever.
and it sucks. :( and you suck.
anyway, today I felt relatively better so I went to my classes. The past 2 days I've been pretty worthless considering all I really did was work Monday night and then hang out with Dion last night. Other wise, I've been in my house. Feeling like shit. So today I went to my classes then came home and cleaned my entire car, inside and out. It's about time considering it has recently turned into a shit hole since I basically live out of it. But now it is spaaaarrrkkklinn' :D
I'm glad it's already Wednesday because this weekend I am off, so it'll be a good weekend. I'm pretty sure I'm going down to the city Saturday night with Riss, which will be COOL. Oh, and I'm suppose to be getting my bike from my g-pop this weeeeek ! yay, he fixed it all up REAL nice for me. I'm stoked!
19 days till I leave for Iowa. I know I said it before, but I'm saying it again, I'm probably not going to want to come back once I get out there. Everyone that I've talked to that's been to Iowa really loved it, and I think I'm going to, too. Plus, my best friends there. I feel like I'm going to get out there, then just decide to not take that flight back. Except I guess in realitiy I'm going to have to since I'll only have a week or so worth of my clothes with me, and I would want all of them. :( but i guess who knows. we'll see what happens. Aaron's flying out there with me now, so this makes it even more great because now I don't have to fly out alone, and it'll be double fun with him out there hanging out, just like back when Ashley lived in Jersey ! :)
The next few weeks though should be pretty good ones. NFG & FYS on September 24th with biggie sMAllz & ott. that'll be fun, especially since it'll be freeee. Then The Ataris are playing at Gywnedd Mercy college September 28th and I might go to that. I don't dig their new stuff, but I love their old stuff. We'll see. October 1st is Jamie's 19th birthday, so paaarttaay. I go to Iowa October 7th-15th. THEN MY BIRTHDAY is a week from when i get home, on October 22nd! YAY. And october 23rd is minus the bearrrr ! and october 27th is young widows! lookin' like a deeeecent next month or so. :)
I'm feeding my dog french fries and listening to 5ive.
haha, NO JOKE. SEEYA.
-i read that and i think it is one of the most true things, ever.
and it sucks. :( and you suck.
anyway, today I felt relatively better so I went to my classes. The past 2 days I've been pretty worthless considering all I really did was work Monday night and then hang out with Dion last night. Other wise, I've been in my house. Feeling like shit. So today I went to my classes then came home and cleaned my entire car, inside and out. It's about time considering it has recently turned into a shit hole since I basically live out of it. But now it is spaaaarrrkkklinn' :D
I'm glad it's already Wednesday because this weekend I am off, so it'll be a good weekend. I'm pretty sure I'm going down to the city Saturday night with Riss, which will be COOL. Oh, and I'm suppose to be getting my bike from my g-pop this weeeeek ! yay, he fixed it all up REAL nice for me. I'm stoked!
19 days till I leave for Iowa. I know I said it before, but I'm saying it again, I'm probably not going to want to come back once I get out there. Everyone that I've talked to that's been to Iowa really loved it, and I think I'm going to, too. Plus, my best friends there. I feel like I'm going to get out there, then just decide to not take that flight back. Except I guess in realitiy I'm going to have to since I'll only have a week or so worth of my clothes with me, and I would want all of them. :( but i guess who knows. we'll see what happens. Aaron's flying out there with me now, so this makes it even more great because now I don't have to fly out alone, and it'll be double fun with him out there hanging out, just like back when Ashley lived in Jersey ! :)
The next few weeks though should be pretty good ones. NFG & FYS on September 24th with biggie sMAllz & ott. that'll be fun, especially since it'll be freeee. Then The Ataris are playing at Gywnedd Mercy college September 28th and I might go to that. I don't dig their new stuff, but I love their old stuff. We'll see. October 1st is Jamie's 19th birthday, so paaarttaay. I go to Iowa October 7th-15th. THEN MY BIRTHDAY is a week from when i get home, on October 22nd! YAY. And october 23rd is minus the bearrrr ! and october 27th is young widows! lookin' like a deeeecent next month or so. :)
I'm feeding my dog french fries and listening to 5ive.
haha, NO JOKE. SEEYA.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
uesless.
I feel like crap. I'm beyond congested and my throat is killing me and my head feels like it weighs 2389303 pounds. I haven't felt this horrible in so long. and it sucks and i did not miss it.
on the plus side though, last nights show ruled. each band was sweet and it was well worth the pain i was in from my throat and hip. speaking of that, i wish i would get the results on my xrays so they can figure out what the helllllll is going on. Friday night's show at the Champ was a lot of fun too. The drive out there really sucked though, especially in down pour rain at times, but Marissa did a decent job keeping me entertained by fucking with every person we drove by. haha.
This weeks going to suck because nothing that great is going on. And all I really do during the week is go to class, come home and nap, go to work, come home and go to sleep. I get paid this week though from both jobs, so that's going to be nice considering I only have $4 to my name right now. And my low fuel lights on. I drive around too much and waste too much gas. And I have no idea what's good for this coming up weekend. I don't work and I'll have some money, so hopefully I'll make my way down the city again.
I need to really start focusing on what I am doing in the spring semester. I keep saying that but continue to put it off, and it keeps getting closer and closer. Gotta start getting my priorities straight and really planning things out. i'm just so bad with planning and i am a huge procrastinator. but I know going away to school is something I really want to do, so I'm hoping I'll start focusing on things more. Ughhh.
In 22 days, I leave for Iowa. I'm so pumped. I miss Ashley a lot. It sucks that she's not in jerz anymore and I can't just hop in my car and drive there for the weekend whenever I want. Iowa is alitttttle too far to do that. But October 7th is getting real close, and it's going to be a boooomb week. Being with my best friend, seeing/really meeting cody & cady, going to Minnesota for a girl filled weekend with Ash, Cady & Ma Dukes to go to the mall of America and see tegan and sarah. I'm so pumped. I can't wait to get out there and not want to come home. because i know that's what is going to happen. I might check out some schools while I'm out there. Who knows.
I'm gonna go spend my day drinking tea and sleeping.
p.s
on the plus side though, last nights show ruled. each band was sweet and it was well worth the pain i was in from my throat and hip. speaking of that, i wish i would get the results on my xrays so they can figure out what the helllllll is going on. Friday night's show at the Champ was a lot of fun too. The drive out there really sucked though, especially in down pour rain at times, but Marissa did a decent job keeping me entertained by fucking with every person we drove by. haha.
This weeks going to suck because nothing that great is going on. And all I really do during the week is go to class, come home and nap, go to work, come home and go to sleep. I get paid this week though from both jobs, so that's going to be nice considering I only have $4 to my name right now. And my low fuel lights on. I drive around too much and waste too much gas. And I have no idea what's good for this coming up weekend. I don't work and I'll have some money, so hopefully I'll make my way down the city again.
I need to really start focusing on what I am doing in the spring semester. I keep saying that but continue to put it off, and it keeps getting closer and closer. Gotta start getting my priorities straight and really planning things out. i'm just so bad with planning and i am a huge procrastinator. but I know going away to school is something I really want to do, so I'm hoping I'll start focusing on things more. Ughhh.
In 22 days, I leave for Iowa. I'm so pumped. I miss Ashley a lot. It sucks that she's not in jerz anymore and I can't just hop in my car and drive there for the weekend whenever I want. Iowa is alitttttle too far to do that. But October 7th is getting real close, and it's going to be a boooomb week. Being with my best friend, seeing/really meeting cody & cady, going to Minnesota for a girl filled weekend with Ash, Cady & Ma Dukes to go to the mall of America and see tegan and sarah. I'm so pumped. I can't wait to get out there and not want to come home. because i know that's what is going to happen. I might check out some schools while I'm out there. Who knows.
I'm gonna go spend my day drinking tea and sleeping.
p.s
Friday, September 12, 2008
good hold on me
i wish things didn't work this way. it would be nice if the past could stay in the past, but it never seems to work that way with somethings. and they continue to pop back up, and remind you. and it sucks. just when you think it's finally done, it comes back. and round 923403980 starts. i currently have ten million things racing through my head at the same time. i can't even put into words anything I want to say. so, that being the case, the next paragraph is going to be an absolute mangled wreck. don't waste your time on it.i wish things would just be fixed. when did this become so complicated? how did something good go to something horribly confusing? and when? it's mostly my fault though because i always care too much. and you don't care at all. you need to quit with the bullshit. i need more money. i'm working my ass off working two jobs and im still always broke. i wish it was october and i was going to iowa to see ashley because i miss her too much. when did i become so unorganized? my rooms a mess, my cars a mess. and i'm usually too lazy to clean them. i need to get my ass back in shape. starting monday i'm going back to the gym. i wish you weren't such a shitty friend. i want to get out of here. i need to start focusing and getting my shit in order for real so i can make that happen. i need to send my application fees into the couple schools i applied to. i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore.
i'm getting my haircut now, bye.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
PSSTTT.
I always forget my password to this jawn, and it takes me like 48938 tries till I actually remember it and can log in. Life's so hectic lately, so I barely have time to write in here. I spent mostly everyday during the week at class all morning, sleeping all afternoon and working at night. Kinda sucks buuuut i'm making bank right now and furthering my education, pshhh hahahaa. I still really just want to get out of here though. I'm really hoping things work out for the spring and moving down to the city. Who knows though, just taking everything one day at a time and trying REAL hard not to stress out.
On the plus side, October 7th I'm flying out to Iowa to visit Ashley. I miss her a lot and I'm so stokkkeeeddd. I'll be out there for a week or so, but I guarenttee when it's time to come home, i'm really not going to want to. When she lived in Jerzzzz I never wanted to leave to come home, now i'm gonna be over 1000 miles away so its going to suck more. blah. My birthdays next month though so that really rules. :D buy me presents, lolzozlzozlzz.
This past weekend was another goooood one. Spent it down in the city at Uarts with Risssssa. Basically just wandered allll over the place, met a bunch of new people annnnnd maaaax'ed out. It was sweet and I can't wait to repeate it again this week ! hahaha.
i dont really have anything to write about because my life is basically a repeate every single day of the week. except my hip is fucked up and i have a doctors appointment tomorrow, WOO SPICIN' THE DAY UUUUUP.
i creeped my old xanga and heres an ollllddd picture of me and stacy HAHAAHAAA.
i look funny. BYEEEE !
On the plus side, October 7th I'm flying out to Iowa to visit Ashley. I miss her a lot and I'm so stokkkeeeddd. I'll be out there for a week or so, but I guarenttee when it's time to come home, i'm really not going to want to. When she lived in Jerzzzz I never wanted to leave to come home, now i'm gonna be over 1000 miles away so its going to suck more. blah. My birthdays next month though so that really rules. :D buy me presents, lolzozlzozlzz.
This past weekend was another goooood one. Spent it down in the city at Uarts with Risssssa. Basically just wandered allll over the place, met a bunch of new people annnnnd maaaax'ed out. It was sweet and I can't wait to repeate it again this week ! hahaha.
i dont really have anything to write about because my life is basically a repeate every single day of the week. except my hip is fucked up and i have a doctors appointment tomorrow, WOO SPICIN' THE DAY UUUUUP.
i creeped my old xanga and heres an ollllddd picture of me and stacy HAHAAHAAA.
i look funny. BYEEEE !
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