Finally free from the ups & downs

Christmas was good. Same as most years. Got a lot of cool stuff & things I wanted/needed. So I was happy with it. Spent time with my family during the day, then spent the night with a group of people I really enjoy being with. And then yesterday was alright. Worked all day then went to Cro Mags with Liz & Mariana. By far one of the best shows I ever went to. So many kids came out for it and the show itself was nuts. Missed bad seed & the mongos bc everybody in the city likes to drive 6 miles an hour when I'm in a rush. Made it just in time for wisdom in chains which made me happy because i dont care what anyone says, theyre one of my favorite bands live. death threat was tight tooooo. and words cannot even explain cromags. afterwards headed to applebees with some of the greatest friends ever, who i missed more than anything.
this is boring, i suck at this.


but things are looking up.
happy birthday, little sister. i love you!

merry christmas

i could care less.

Changed

my mind.

Eight Years.

Tonight I talked to my dad for the first time since I was 11. And when I was 11 I only talked to him for a couple months, before he disappeared again. And prior to that, I hadn't seen him since I was 4. I mean, I've talked to him since then. Not so much verbally, but via letters & emails. And it usually ends up with me flipping out on him about what a piece of shit he is, and how much he fucked up for all of us. But that didn't happen tonight. Nothing was brought up about when I was a kid, or all the shit that happened. We just talked about our lives now. The things we like, things we don't like. He asked about my life here, about my mom & sister. He told me about my step-mom, my 3 step-sisters & my 2 step-nieces. He has 2 pitbull's. I want to go steal them, that's my favorite kind of dog.
I really hope things are different this time. Despite how much he's fucked up in the past, I'd actually like to have a future with him involved in it. There's still a lot of hurt and questions that need to be answered, and things that will eventually need to be talked about. But, he is my dad. I know that a lot of kids don't know both their parents, and have fucked up situations like mine was, and it's really an awful thing. Growing up I always wondered about him. And now I have the opportunity to get to know him, and I just really hope he doesn't disappear again this time..

shopping.

i spent all of today at the kop mall. and it put me in a really good mood since i was in a pretty bummed out mood this morning. i bought people gifts and i love doing that. and i came up with the most perfect gift for some stinky boy for his birthday, and he's going to love it.. and i can't wait.
:)

i miss

everything.

i shouldn't be sleeping alone tonight.

I'd like to find someone who puts me first,
because I'm really tired of always being second or third or fourth.


i don't even care how selfish that is.
i come home in the morning. bye.

!@#$%^&*(

i hate being grumpy over nothing.

back to

how things were.

and i'm really happy. 

iowa's a lot of fun, just like last time.

first night here we had a party with everyone & that ruled.

saturday night more people came over & hung out.

went downtown last night for a show with everyone.

it's been good.

love everyone out here lot.

miss all you's though.

see you in a week or so.

<3

finishing

cleaning my room.
packing.
sleeping.
leaving.
:)



see ya in a week or so!

p.s. GIRRRLZ,
when i get back, lets all do something FUN.