I believed

in heroes,
and dragons,
and us.

forgive & forget.

forgive and forget. that's what they say. its good advice but it's not very practical. when someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. when someone wrongs us, we want to be right. without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal. and the most we can hope for is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget.




i wish i could forget.
I spend 75% of my time at work doing nothing but playing on my phone, listening to the music overhead, and thinking. The last two are the killers. First, since its officially the 'holiday season' every other song is a christmas song. and when it's not a christmas song, its some sorta love song. The Christmas songs are alright, but you really can only listen to 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' so many times in one day before wanting to claw your own eyes out. And all the other love songs only cause me to think. Thinking about things isn't always bad. But it really sucks sometimes. I hate missing things I shouldn't miss. I hate playing the 'what if' game in my head over and over. What if I had cared less? What if you had cared more? Its an endless cycle that continues repeating and repeating.
Its incredibly funny how fast things can change in a matter of two weeks. My lifes done a total 180 since this day two weeks ago. And while a majority of the time it sucked, and I'm still sort of dwelling on how it would've been cool if things had worked out different, things are slowly improving. Who knows what'll continue to happen though.

Tonight I'm stuck here at work till 730, then I'm going out & helping Barco baby move into Greg's with Riss. Who knows what's in store afterwards. partyparty. And Dan's gonna be back tonight, too. I cannot wait. I miss him so much.
Uhm, and yesterday & last night were nice. :)
Thanksgivings tomorrow. Then weekend with the usuals.
Seeee Yaaaa.

Better Days.

My weekend was so good. It totally changed my entire mood/attitude around. I'm still pretty bummed out over what happened, but I've got so much other good shit going on/people I care about that I'm doing a looot better with the whole thing.
Had yet another goooooood weekend. Friday night was a goooody. Went down to Barco's with a shit ton of my favorite people ever and hung out. A fun time as always. Headed home later in the night because I had work at 6 am Saturday. Working that early sucks. Saturday I worked then sat around and did noooothing for awhile. Ended up shopping & spending too much money. Then later in the night headed to Jersey with Marissa to Tyler's house with a bunch of people I didn't even know but ended up really liking. :) To sum the night up: wrecked 'em in pong with Marissa, Jager pong for everyone but us, free pizza, watching people get retardeddd off of Jager. Was a fuuuuun night. :) Headed home late. Worked all sunday morning & then hung out with someone great afterwards. Hahaha.
Today is Mariana's birthday, YAY ! Tonight I think I'm going to the diner with some people, :D and then tomorrow I'm off of everything and hanging out with someone kinda cute & having a really good day with him.
Dan comes home this week and I'm really pumped for that because I misssss him more than anyone. And we're going to the beach this weekend, which will be absolutely lovely, I am sure. :) I can't wait.
And I'm super excited for New Years Eve because I'm gonna be up in New York City with Riss, Barco, Kels & whoever else wants to go. And that will be tighhhhhhhhhhht. Always wanted to go there for that. :) :)
That's all I have to write.

OH, and I'm beyond sick. It's really awesome, nahhhtt.

still

sadder than i have ever been.
i hate having to force myself through the day & beg myself not to cry because everything has to remind me of some sort of memory.

this is the worst feeling in the entire world.
what's worse though ..
i'd forgive you.

Worst Night.

Last night was the worst night I have had in a very long time.



I've never felt more alone.

Lovely Mood.

I'm in the most wonderful mood and have been all day. I love this. :)
Last night/this morning were quite enjoyable.
Didn't get to bed till sometime after 9:30 this morning, but it was well worth it.

I don't have much else to write.
I'm not sweatin' the dumb stuff anymore.
I'm happy happy happy happy happy.

Except, it's 5:20 and it's already dark as fuck out.
That's really stupid.

SkeetSkeet

Weekend was good. Worked Friday night then came home and spent the night with mom and her girl friends. they're the funniest group of ladies evvver. Saturday went to down to Temple & picked up Kelsey then went and got Ali from UArts. Headed to South Street to get some Thai and a ridiculous amount of frozen yogurt. Headed back to Temple and met up with Marissa, Sean & Pookie. Chilled for awhile, met up with Rob, then headed over to Barco's played with her kitties and sipped on some 40's. Twas a gooood night. Crashed at Kelseys. Whole Foods shopping trip in the morning then picked up Barco and the 4 of us headed to Blacklisted show. Show was tight. Afterwards headed back to Barco's and chilled with her, riss, ricky, aaron & jake. came home and crashed.
i'm getting tattooed in the morning then spending the day/night with some goodies.
that's all i really have to say. i'm boring.