Eight Years.

Tonight I talked to my dad for the first time since I was 11. And when I was 11 I only talked to him for a couple months, before he disappeared again. And prior to that, I hadn't seen him since I was 4. I mean, I've talked to him since then. Not so much verbally, but via letters & emails. And it usually ends up with me flipping out on him about what a piece of shit he is, and how much he fucked up for all of us. But that didn't happen tonight. Nothing was brought up about when I was a kid, or all the shit that happened. We just talked about our lives now. The things we like, things we don't like. He asked about my life here, about my mom & sister. He told me about my step-mom, my 3 step-sisters & my 2 step-nieces. He has 2 pitbull's. I want to go steal them, that's my favorite kind of dog.
I really hope things are different this time. Despite how much he's fucked up in the past, I'd actually like to have a future with him involved in it. There's still a lot of hurt and questions that need to be answered, and things that will eventually need to be talked about. But, he is my dad. I know that a lot of kids don't know both their parents, and have fucked up situations like mine was, and it's really an awful thing. Growing up I always wondered about him. And now I have the opportunity to get to know him, and I just really hope he doesn't disappear again this time..

shopping.

i spent all of today at the kop mall. and it put me in a really good mood since i was in a pretty bummed out mood this morning. i bought people gifts and i love doing that. and i came up with the most perfect gift for some stinky boy for his birthday, and he's going to love it.. and i can't wait.
:)

i miss

everything.

i shouldn't be sleeping alone tonight.

I'd like to find someone who puts me first,
because I'm really tired of always being second or third or fourth.


i don't even care how selfish that is.
i come home in the morning. bye.

!@#$%^&*(

i hate being grumpy over nothing.

back to

how things were.

and i'm really happy. 

iowa's a lot of fun, just like last time.

first night here we had a party with everyone & that ruled.

saturday night more people came over & hung out.

went downtown last night for a show with everyone.

it's been good.

love everyone out here lot.

miss all you's though.

see you in a week or so.

<3

finishing

cleaning my room.
packing.
sleeping.
leaving.
:)



see ya in a week or so!

p.s. GIRRRLZ,
when i get back, lets all do something FUN.